When people told me that the second year of university was going to be the toughest, I knew what I was prepared for. What I wasn’t prepared for though, was going into my second year of university during a pandemic that has impacted millions of lives. I have so many assignments due within a 2 week time period, projects for my modules that I have to keep on top of and the lovely reminder that I have to pick my dissertation topic soon. It seems like this year is going so fast and I’m just not ready for it.
Ever since I dropped out of doing paramedic science to do psychology, I always had a voice in my head saying “you can’t mess up any of these remaining years.” Student finance only pays for 4 years of undergraduate education and I already used one up when I did paramedic science. The fear of failing this year has gone from 0 to 100 and it’s not because I’m lazy. For some reason, I physically can’t bring myself to engage in my online lectures. I’ve tried putting my phone away and focusing but the information goes in one ear and comes out the other. If you asked me what I was learning in my lectures, I wouldn’t be able to tell you. When doing my first essay of the year, it took me so long trying to figure out how to answer any of the essay questions because we weren’t given any resources on half of them. I wish I were joking, but for a lecture that one of the essay questions was based on, there were no references whatsoever.
I know there are countless other people who feel like the quality of teaching and resources at university has gone down drastically. If we don’t do as well as we wanted to, it’s not entirely our fault. We shouldn’t have to pay the consequences of universities not supporting their students even more so than usual because of this pandemic going on. Universities demanded students to be on campus for face to face lectures, putting them in danger of catching a single virus that has caused 61.3 million cases and 1.44 million deaths worldwide this year. The government honestly look like they’re making up restrictions as they go along and they’re not even making any sense. So many people have lost their jobs, homes and family members.
I’m not quite sure what the point of this blog post is. For the past few weeks, I’ve felt like I’ve just been floating through life and not doing anything. University doesn’t feel like university anymore and I hate that I can’t just press pause on my life right now. I have 6 assignments that I have to get done by January but I can’t even bring myself to do them. Maybe I’m just not as interested in my modules that I have this semester but I think all of my lectures being online plays a huge part in me thinking this. Even last year when I didn’t like one module, I was still able to get on with my revision and try and aim for at least a pass. Aiming for at least a pass this year won’t be enough for me personally though. But at the same time, I was really optimistic about getting a 2:1 in second year. Now I don’t know what I can realistically get.
To try and motivate myself, I’m going to be doing a productivity challenge. I remember when I briefly had a studyblr account, people would do challenges where they had to be productive for 100 days straight. This is just unrealistic for me though, so I’m going to be productive every day until Christmas Eve. If you want to follow my journey, I’ll be posting on my Instagram stories and encouraging anyone to join in if they want 🙂
How are you coping with university during this pandemic?